Self Deprivation

I keep telling myself the reason I want you so bad is because the sex is so good but I'm lying! It's the emotions attached to it that keep my interest, I know your not good for me but I don't care....It's difficult to go days without you and know the feelings aren't mutual! I know the type of female you want but the stubbornness in me doesn't care! I love being me along with all my flaws....Flaws that are superficial because I'm comfortable with me but society is not! I know you love the streets cuz that's all you know but I promise if you give me a chance your life would enhance leaps and bounds, I just want you around! Our friendship is important to me but my feelings don't care, I'd express them more often but the game has told me that's not a good Idea, I don't want to push you away! I guess if I can't have the whole you, then I'll take a piece...I just wish you  would trust me enough to let me in but I understand why not so I accept it. I've always gotten who and what I wanted but you give me enough to keep me around and that's all, sometimes I wonder why I'm selling myself short but when we're together everything you do to upset me goes out the window and when you leave I'm left with the view!  I'm very familiar with your attitude because it use to be mine but have you ever had anyone love you unconditionally? I just wonder what you really think about our situation, I know many people say they want to hear the truth but I mean what I say! If I'm just good enough to fuck then tell me, I'm not going to say it wouldn't hurt my feelings to hear that but I rather you be honest with me. I can't control how I feel and I don't want to,  I just want to know how you really feel, really I wanna know what you think! 

Heavy Heart

Being with you makes me ecstatic, I feel like the planets have aligned in my favor and nothing can stop my joy! After so many years I still get goosebumps when you come around, my hearts starts beating at a rapid pace when I think about how we fall asleep face to face. When we're together I don't want to be any other place but with you, you make me feel like this has to be superficial, it can't be real! Your presence is what I adore your personality can't be ignored I even love when you snore and I can feel your breath on my nose, my heart feels so exposed but when you leave I feel ignored, like the feelings are only mutual for the moment no substance just opportunity. 

Vaction

Memories have carried me through the years

burden filled tears dreams filled with fears

turn into nightmares and blank stares

swallowing my pride
learning to hide
from the hurt inside

filling a void becoming annoyed
with life and it's strife

sharp pains shoot through my soul
I can't control it
so I sit and write my way on a mental vacation

accepting happiness in every place visited
basking in my thoughts like a drug
learning to sweep petty inconsistencies of
life, love and pain under the rug